January 2006 Archives

Re-contracting time is upon us JETs here in Japan. We actually just got the paper work for it today, and luckily, all of us at the Fukuyama BOE were offered another year of our jobs. Not that you ever hear of a JET not getting offered another year. I don't think its possible to not get offered a second year. What kind of sick, demented, twisted, and sadistic person do you have to be to not get offered another year in the JET program? It just got me thinking, which got me musing, which got me scanning my re-contracting form into my computer and adding a bit to it. It could have been worse. A lot worse.

Much to my surprise Jared Lee actually did send me pictures of his sexy Japanese action figures sitting on his desk. I do wonder if they were taken out for some prize publicity photos and then put back in a shoe box under his bed next to the weird magazines of naked women with bread that he keeps for special 'alone' time. But not wanting to take a trip all the way to Pennsylvania to find out for myself, I guess I will have to take his word on it.

I've been spending some time thinking of new ways to redesign my webpage (again). The downside is that it would require me to learn some CSS, html, and a lot about MT. The upside would be that my webpage could look quite good. Eh, maybe I'll get some help.

I watched the movie The Aristocrats tonight while doing laundry. Who knew Bob Saget was such a dirty comedian? God I hated Full House. Really. It was bad.

There are several national English language schools here in Japan. While the JET program deals mainly with public schools, the others are private schools there to make money. One of the main private language schools in Japan is NOVA. Now NOVA teachers and JET teachers have a history of not getting along. NOVA teachers dislike JETs because many of them are JET rejects, and also the JET teachers get a very sweet deal compared to the NOVA teachers. The NOVA teachers work crap hours, make less money, and often feel like they're there to exploit money from their adult students. Which is all true. JET teachers dislike dislike the NOVA teachers because a lot of them are assholes because NOVA will take anyone who is willing to fly to Japan and speaks English. Which is why I'm not surprised when I read articles like this, saying how NOVA is trying to cheat money out of its students. NOVA has a very high turn over rate, and a lot of teacher go home very quickly. Luckily many of the good ones find real jobs and do some real teaching. Don't work for NOVA.

Japan is really weird. Don't use fake money at a sex shop. Really.

So I'm healed now. Word of my death has been greatly exaggerated. Even by me. Turns out my doctor's prognosis was a horribly lost in translation. When he told me I shouldn't work for a month, he was really saying how I shouldn't go back to work until next month. Which in reality has me going back to work tomorrow. And about time if you ask me. I've been really bored out of my mind spending day in and day out at home. Except for a nice bike ride to the hospital, I've been actually doing next to nothing here at home. Really. I'm going crazy.

I did manage to go out for a bit on Saturday night. One of the two foreigner bars here in town is closing its doors. Actually, its just really changing locations and being shut down for a while. I figured I should go out for a bit, and I did. The bar, Flower, was completely packed with both Japanese and random foreigners. A lot of people I'd not seen for quite some time. Long story short, good to get out.

Japan's population is now officially in decline, which will probably spell the end of us middle school English teachers in a decade or two. I think this shocking, and extremely funny, news article gets to the true root of the problem. Clearly the Japanese need to spend more time having sex and less time making bar tending robots.

I want to be one of these crazy Japanese teachers. Plus I want a fanta. Darn, now I'm thirsty.

Several of my fellow English teachers have made up shinny new weblogs, so I thought I'd pimp them here. Graham has a rather interesting URL inspired by a warning sign: The Inside of a Shop Can Not Be Smoked. I expect great things. Matt Hazel has also come up with a very thrilling blog, which include some very scandalous pictures of him and Bill on an elephant.

Some people really really really dislike Windows. Me being one of them. Me being one of them even more so now that I have to use Windows in Japanese, which is impossible. Yes, I am a jaded and rather elitist Macintosh-asshole. But for a good reason. Way too much time in college was spent removing spyware and virus outbreaks from Windows computers. I sometimes wonder why people buy computers with Windows on it, or continually buy new version of Windows. I guess we now know the real reason. I guess I just don't like dogs all that much.

After being extremely sick and in extreme tonsil related pain for over 48 hours I completely welcomed the idea of going to the hospital for a couple of days. Maybe the medicine there would be able to cure me, because the five different pills my local clinic gave me appeared to have done nothing. It had been quite a while since I'd stayed in a hospital, but I still had a general idea of what to expect. Sadly I forgot that you should never think you know what to expect in Japan until you're actually there and experiencing it for yourself.

My boss was oh so kind and picked up my frail body from the clinic for transporting to the hospital. We stopped by my apartment for a few minutes so I could pick up my laptop and some books, stuff to keep me entertained for a couple of days if need be. Now I actually had no idea where the hospital was in town, and I am quite sure there are several, but I still didn't know where any of them were. Much to my surprise it appears as if the Japanese don't want you to know where their hospitals are, as the hospital I went to was on a bike route I had taken quite a few times. The hospital wasn't hidden as much as it wasn't overly marked and looked like every other giant concrete slab building you see in my town.

The doctor I saw was a bit impressed by two things about me. The size of my tonsils and the size of me. This would be an ongoing theme during my several days at the hospital. Somehow the young doctor was able to eek out some English, though I could see it pained him to do so. My boss eventually took me to the 4th floor where I would be staying. Now I didn't get a room to myself, but had a curtained off section of a room that I shared with 5 other people. All who apparently were at the hospital for snoring related issues. My bed, as usual, was a bit smaller then what I probably needed. Which made the nurses laugh. This would be another ongoing theme during my visit.

Before I continue, let it be known that medical care in Japan is cheaper then in the US. Not only is national health insurance rather nice, but hospitals keep costs down through various ingenious ways. Like not providing clothing for you to wear. Or towels. Or soap. Or slippers. Or Tissues. Or trash bags. Or spoons, chop sticks, forks, and knives. Or making you pay for cards to let you watch TV. This is why Japanese hospitals are cheap. This is also why I was highly confused by everything at my local hospital, and why my boss had to bring me a bag of stuff from my apartment.

Now what gets me is why at a hospital, an area you would want to keep very very clean, would you not provide clean stuff for your patients? I mean, clean towels? Or hospital clothing? It just seems like you're asking for a whole lot of germ trouble in the long run. Plus, who makes you bring your own spoon to a hospital, really.

So I then spent the next several days just laying in bed and getting an constant IV drip in my arm. I watched several movies on my laptop, listened to some music, played a few games, read a book, and in general tried not to cause trouble. Which was rather easy because there wasn't anything to cause trouble with. Except my bed, which was too short, and made people laugh. Helen came by for ten minutes on Wednesday to cheer me up. I don't know how coherent I was because I think they put something extra special into the drugs, so I was a bit more loopy then my usual self.

The food was interesting. Because of my inability to eat solid things I was put on a diet of rice in warm water. That was all I ate for three days. I was already hungry from not eating all weekend, and after three days at the hospital eating rice in warm water, I was ready to kill someone for a burger. Or some jam bread. Or anything that might fill me up. Even when I was able to eat solid food they brought me really weird and random Japanese food that I had never seen before. I almost ordered in food.

I was finally discharged this morning (being Thursday) and taken by one of my co-workers back home. Sadly I have not yet escaped the hospital completely. I still need to go in for the next two or three days for IV drips, and for some reason my doctor wants me not to work for a month. Which I think is a bit extreme. I feel a whole lot better and really hate just sitting around doing nothing. Even when that means doing nothing with internet access. I miss teaching and I miss doing something. The real downside to this entire sick business is that while I'm now stuck at home all my ALT buddies are at the mid year conference in Hiroshima having a big old party time without me. Curse you all.

Some of you may know that I've been suffering from an extreme bout of tonsillitis since Friday. I went to the doctors on Saturday, got some drugs, but they had no effect. Now its Monday. I just got back from the doctors office where I had a fun time getting an IV drip. But thats not all, seems that my case is bad enough that I'm going to be at the hospital for several days getting non-stop drugs. I may post some silly pictures via flickr if I get bored. Which I will. Maybe this is just the time for me to start enjoying some fun with Sim City 4 again. Anyhow, this does cut me out of going to the mid-year conference this weekend and all the fun that would entail. Sigh...

Wish me luck. I'm going to be very drugged up for the next 48 hours. If you need to reach me, e-mail my phone e-mail address, which is located in my Contact info.

As much as I do love Domo-kun, I hate the idea of paying the NHK TV tax. AKA The Japan national TV tax. Last week I got two bills from NHK. One for me, and one for Frank my predecessor. Both found a quick trip to my trash bin. I somehow got suckered in to paying the NHK tax in October, around $25. Sure, this isn't much, but it happens quite a few times during the year. So yesterday when the lady came around to get money from me I just told her, in bad Japanese, that I didn't watch TV. She looked rather confused and eventually left. Hopefully she won't be back. Remind me never to answer my door.

The kids today were on a kancho fix that could not be stopped. Several first year boys found it funny to constantly stalk me and try to poke me in the ass. Luckily I had my coat on so they kept missing my ass. The weirdest thing was they kept talking about doing it to me, when I was nearby. I eventually got ahold of the ring leader, turned to the other boys, and say kancho-hodai. AKA, All you can poke. The other boys swarmed and soon poked the crap out of the little dude. He got what he deserved.

I went to the stationary store and bought some snail mail supplies. Thats right, I'm going to be writing some letters. As much as I love the internet, e-mail, and the endless amount of stuff to amuse me, the end result is often a feeling of emptiness. I remember a Calvin and Hobbes strip where Calvin's dad goes off on a rant about how technology hasn't made life easier, it's made it more difficult. Now that we can do things fast everyone expects things to be done fast, and gets quite angry when their time demands are not met. I kind of miss the feeling that real mail gives you. The fun that comes from writing a letter. The anticipation of getting one. The joy that comes from opening up a new letter, only to find its just junk mail for new siding when you live in a concrete apartment building. That kind of thing. Anyways, I think I will take some time and send off a few post cards and letter this next week. As opposed to me doing real work.

I figured I should have some New Years Resolutions so that I might have something to fail at this year. Though I am in complete denial of 2006, which is quite apparent as my NTT phone bill still has yet to be paid and all my school reports seem to be set in 2005. At least domo-kun is with me on this one.

My Top 10 New Years Resolutions:
10) Don't eat out during the week.
9) Don't buy video games.
8) Not mock my students openly in English.
7) Stop being an internet junkie.
6) Learn some Japanese.
5) Figure out my trash schedule.
4) Pay all my phone bills on time.
3) Clean the tub.
2) Call home.
1) Eat natto.

I've already failed at a couple of these. Luckily most are very open ended as to when they need to be done, so I have the entire year to go through before I fail at them. More people should have resolutions like that.

Nothing too interesting has been going on lately around here. Just being back at work and trying to figure out how to go for the next 4 months of work before another national holiday comes around. Sustained work... can't... deal... with... it...

One of the coolest recent features in OS X is Dashboard and the plethora of widgets that exist for it. Sadly I never actually use any widgets except for the Weather widget, so that I can see what temperature things are and how crappy the weather will be for the rest of the week. On a random whim I did some widget browsing and found a few things that have rekindled my interest in the world of widgets. Sadly they are all completely useless and nothing more then silly wastes of time. Which I consider to be the best use of widgets.

The coolest widget I found today is only cool because of some unnatural obsession that I have with my childhood Travel Spirograph. The little guy has traveled to three different countries with me, leaving a trail of little spiro-papers everywhere. Well, luckily for me a high tech way has arrived in the form of this very cool virtual spirograph widget. I kid you not. Its just really fun and relaxing. In a very nerdy way.

The second coolest widget is one that brings about a red revolution in my heart, and also makes me want to find my Chairman Mao light up and singing lighter. Everyone needs a widget that bring to their desktop classic Chinese propaganda posters. Plus it has a little explanation of every one.

Ok, a virtual Light Bright widget is kind of lame. Until you make some super cool pictures out of it!

Transformers in a widget form. No more needs to be said.

Though honestly, I must say, the best widget isn't the Spirograph or even the light bright. For us Mac users, there is something far better. The Dogcow. It holds a special meaning and place in my heart. I still have a Dogcow pencil that my good friend Sam Burish game me in high school. So to the Dogcow, I say to you, Moof forever in the form of a super cool Dogcow widget! Oh you know you'll download it.

Jared Lee cut his hand the other day. You'd think after spending several years living with three Eagle Scouts that he would learn proper knife safety. That silly man. Probably a direct result of him never having a girlfriend ever. The logic is there somewhere.

Gizoogle.com is random. Just look what it did to my webpage. Word that bitch.

The best blond joke ever.

Its good to know that I still get paid even when I have a workday where I spend 2 hours of it commuting, 10 minutes of teaching (total), 5 minutes of report writing, and a good 7 hours of goofing off on the internet. I swear I do teach sometimes.

Kids are great. Bill and I were leaving the little restaurant by his apartment the other evening and these two kids, probably 4 and 5 years of age, were ahead of us in line. Suddenly Dad starts prompting them to speak some English at us. We were then laid witness to quite a few "Happy New Years" and "My name is (put cute name here)." You can't help but smile at that. Oh, and they were yelling "Happy New Years" out the car window as the family was driving down the street. Good times.

I think iTunes is tracking stock my mp3 collection and uploading it to the iTunes Music Store, because I was browsing around on the store the "Just For You" area seemed to think that I would like the Pokemon Christmas Special. No way in hell they could have come up with that suggestion from just my music buys alone. Curse you Apple.

All you Mac users out there, go download a free codex that allows you to play Windows Media Files through Quicktime. Yeah, and its free. Solves a lot of problems when viewing videos through your web browser.

Google Earth for OS X is now out for free download. Its probably the coolest thing I've seen in a while, and free. Nothing like a giant satellite map globe of the Earth for you to play with. Plus you can see my old house in Sioux Falls on it. Check it your new 3D interface for the planet.

Yes, Apple did release a cool new laptop with a super fast intel duel chip inside named Macbook Pro. But what is more interesting are the rumors that even more cool things were not presented at the Expo due to supply issues. What could these be? Only time will tell. I'm actually really impressed with the new Macbook Pro, and really hope they release a 12in (or even better, a 13in) version of it within the next year so I can upgrade. I'd better be saving up some cash....

The plane ride didn't have too much effect on me. Jet lag seems to be less of an issue coming back to Japan then it was going to Milwaukee. Though the effects of the airline food haunted me for a day or two. Good lord it sucked. But the long lasting mental effects the plane ride had on me will take years to get rid of. Memories of being forced to watch The Dukes of Hazard still haunt my dreams. Burt Reynolds... why did you do it!

My principal at one of my schools demanded to see my webpage to check out the photos of my winter vacation. Too bad I had only two, and that he was more interested in the picture of Jared with the sexy action figure. Hentai was said several times, along with much laughter by the principal and several office workers. I guess I've ruined Japan for Jared now. One country down, quite a few to go. At least he posted a nice photo of me on his blog.

I think I should be worried. Mount Fuji has no snow and it appears that this is a sign of an evil foreboding presence, or some jazz. Only in Japan.

I'm home. At last. I don't know why I keep flying Northwest, but I do. I really hate that airline. They forced me to watch The Dukes of Hazard, which was not only a horrible movie but also highly edited. It also reaffirmed by hatred of the South. But I should give props to NW for showing Oliver Twist because its a movie thats so depressing that it takes your mind off the fact that you're in a horribly cramped seat, that the food sucks, and that the guy next to you smells like an ash tray. Luckily I slept through most of my 16 hour flight, only waking up every so often to eat, drink, and watch bad movies.

The moment we landed I turned on my phone. Within one minute I had gotten two phone calls from Alun asking me where Deo Deo was in Fukuyama. It feels good to have a phone again. How I have missed you.

You'd think that after 10 hours of sleep on a plane I would be refreshed, but no. I ended up sleeping on the train ride home and almost missing my Fukuyama stop. It was probably the bowl of curry I ate in Osaka that did me in. I don't know how I survived two and a half weeks without a bowl of Japanese curry. Next time I leave I'm going to have to bring some packets with me.

Nothing is more fun then coming home to a cold apartment where the kitchen smells because your sink is possessed by the devil. And it's cold. But at least I have internet these days. Oh, and I have my Domokun. He kept my apartment safe and cockroach free these past weeks.

But seriously, it feels good to be back. Even though I never know whats going on, or what people are saying, or that I'm functionally illiterate in most all cases. Oh, lets not forget that most of the time I have no idea what I'm eating. But where would the fun in life be without these little quarks or oddities.

So I spent my first day back not working. Today was one of those days were we all had to be in at City Hall because there were no classes. Yet, as usual, there was really nothing for any of us to do except study Japanese and or socialize about our various adventures over break. I think we spend more time socializing. On an upside, I didn't do much work and time passed fast.

Went to the French Maid cafe with most of my office. Fun times. Really. Though I do enjoy podcasts by French Maids who do technical how tos.

Graham somehow ran into a bunch of Gusties in Thailand. They were annoying him to hulk like proportions. Go figure.

So my time in Wisconsin is about at an end, in around 12 hours I'll be in the air and heading back to Japan. Which will suck because it will be a 16 hour plane ride with no chance to recharge my iPod or laptop. Curse you Northwest. I tried to upgrade my seat with all the frequent flier miles I have, but Northwest won't let you do an upgrade on an international flight. Though through some quark of their webpage my seat from Chicago to Detroit was upgraded. Big whoop.

I was able to head up to my old college for a couple of days for a mini college reunion of sorts. All the guys I lived with, all 5 of them, and I were able to meet for dinner in the Twin Cities. It was nice to see everyone alive and healthy. I also was able to get rid of all the gifts I had been carting around as well. I gave everyone some fun Cowboy Bebop figures, as well as some pocky for Ben, and a very sexy figure for Jared. As seen in the picture. I figured I should put a picture up on my webpage because Lee will never put a picture up on his page. Plus I know that his family reads my webpage every now and then. Good times. (And yes, she is topless, and yes, the Japanese are weird) At least Dale was kind enough to send me a picture of all the fun stuff I gave him. Which included two Cowboy Bebop figures and one very sexy figure. As you can see, Dale's sexy figure is by far more sexy then Lee's. Again, Japanese people are weird. I bought both sexy figures from the weird Maid Cafe in downtown Fukuyama. Lets just say one of the French Maids bounced over and asked me if I needed help working the toy machine. Yeah, weirdness.

The return to my college was bitter sweet. My old dorm is now gone. Nothing is left. I was reminded of all the things I missed from college, but also all the things I didn't miss from college. Then I was also reminded that I really liked my job, liked having money, liked living in Japan, and liked not living in Wisconsin. But then again the school and the classes were only part of what I missed, and I must say there are several people who I really miss seeing every day. But I guess thats what happens in this crazy mixed up world.

I took an Amtrak train back from Saint Paul to Milwaukee and was very surprised by how comfortable it was. I was able to have breakfast on the train, get a drink, sit in a lounge, and even sleep! Not bad for $80. I was also lucky to sit next to a guy who was very talkative and who was also a train nut. So I now know a lot of random info about that particular line. The scenery was really nice, and next time I'm in the US I'll have to take the train again.

I'm sorry to disappoint my friends in Japan, but I will not be bringing back any cheese with me. Sorry but I ran out of room. It was either me taking my DVDs with me, or taking some cheese. So I decided to bring back a bunch of DVDs. I think we'll all be alright without the cheese. Oh, and oddly I miss my Dreamcast. Probably because I may (or may not) have downloaded games that may (or may not) be played when I get back to Japan. I also miss my domokun. He's so evil.

My local paper had an article about how Chuck Norris has a weird fan following online, and the article used way too many quotes from the "Top 30 Chuck Norris Facts" webpage, which I linked to a few posts ago. They are funny, and the man is somewhat of a cult leader with his round house kicks. But in case you were not convince, let it be known that "The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain."

Check out this cool OS X app called Butler. Once you actually get through the very daunting task of getting it configured to your personal liking, it will make life a lot easier. I'm still working on getting mine configured.

Oh, Minnesota sucks. It's a proven scientific fact. Don't take my word for it. Read the article.

Happy New Years from Milwaukee.

Thats it. Move along, nothing to see here.